I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
