God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just blew my weed a kiss
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
