sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
