you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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