We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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