Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
His hands were made for my vagina.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
