Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
