Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
