my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
