I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
