i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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