I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Randomize
