Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
