There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
