So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
