Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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