I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
