An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
