I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
