I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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