I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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