He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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