I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
