Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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