I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I would fuck him just for his dog
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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