a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
