I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
barbara walters just said penis...
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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