so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You are the jesus of drinking
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
