the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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