careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
