god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
