Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
