I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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