i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
