Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
