I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Randomize