I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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