You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
