i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
