I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
