I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
