nut hugger
another moral hangover. fuck.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
