Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
