He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
farters have to be the big spoon...
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Randomize
