I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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