i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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