Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
