So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
