I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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