i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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