I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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