just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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