I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
