someone threw a dead crab at me
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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