She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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