can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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