Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize