cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
