TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
