I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
