I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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