Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
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