she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
