naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
