drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just invented taco cereal.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
