everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize