i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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