Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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