we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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