The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
