he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
