My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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