so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
