I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
