Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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