I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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