I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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