Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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