oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
